#234 - T.S.

One time, you came into my house to help me carry something, and there was a purple dildo on the television stand, and I grabbed it and made some comment about my decorating style, and you grinned  and laughed and never mentioned it again.

#233 - H.P.

You confidently brandish your opinions before you like a sword, inflicting carnage. I sit off to the side; not one of the hoards of admirers, but not a victim, either. If you ever confront me, I'll put you in your place, but until then, we're good.

#232 - M.Y.

Your descriptive adjectives run like a list of the perfect man: Handsome. Kind. Intelligent. Calm. Hard-working. Strong. Determined. Atheist. Arms like tree trunks. A decent sense of humor. The qualifier, however, ruins it: Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. 

#231 - B.Y.

Every Christmas, I put out the snowman that you made me years ago, and I smile, and I think of you and I outside at my graduation party, walking in circles around the cul-de-sac, our friends waiting back at the house while we flirted, insignificantly.

#230 - J.S.

Tall, lanky, with a long face and sad eyes. We were raised like siblings, almost, but I couldn't pinpoint a facet of your personality. I like to imagine that, with the right person, you're witty and sensational, but I suppose I know that's only a dream.

#229 - W.F.

Your life is a cacophony of errors and pain. Every step is a misstep, every dream turns into a nightmare. No family, no religion, no real friends, nothing to guide you... yet you muddle through. Perhaps the future holds something incredible... for your sake, I hope so.

#228 - B.P.

Your body is gnarled and you have the mental age of a toddler, but you smile when you see me, smile and shout out your version of my name, and for just a few seconds, everything else goes away, and your joy becomes mine.

#227 - J.W.

I inadvertently broke your heart in a cruel way, and I'm sorry. You were the first guy I slept with after The Big Breakup in college, and I was just trying to get him out of my system. You didn't get that.

#226 - J.B.

You carry a concealed weapon, ready for anything in the dangers of rural Ohio. Sometimes, you record yourself singing and post it on youtube, looking for that perfect woman. You are a true knight in shining armor... in waiting.

#225 - T.D.

When we met, you spent an hour arguing with me that Atheism need not be proven nor proselytized. While I understood your point, I was annoyed with how simplistic you made your argument. I'm a woman, not a child.

#224 - J.S.

You had this disease from an ex who cheated on you - nothing horrific, but it manifested in a gross way in your body. Because of that, we couldn't have sex, and without sex, well... things got old fast. Sorry 'bout that, cauliflower dick.