#228 - S.S.

You're perfect. Completely perfect. Pretty, smart, well-liked, the perfect house, kids, husband,  friends. Still, you accept me for who I am, with all my flaws, and so I accept you despite your greatest flaw (which is that you have none).

#234 - T.S.

One time, you came into my house to help me carry something, and there was a purple dildo on the television stand, and I grabbed it and made some comment about my decorating style, and you grinned  and laughed and never mentioned it again.

#233 - H.P.

You confidently brandish your opinions before you like a sword, inflicting carnage. I sit off to the side; not one of the hoards of admirers, but not a victim, either. If you ever confront me, I'll put you in your place, but until then, we're good.

#232 - M.Y.

Your descriptive adjectives run like a list of the perfect man: Handsome. Kind. Intelligent. Calm. Hard-working. Strong. Determined. Atheist. Arms like tree trunks. A decent sense of humor. The qualifier, however, ruins it: Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. 

#231 - B.Y.

Every Christmas, I put out the snowman that you made me years ago, and I smile, and I think of you and I outside at my graduation party, walking in circles around the cul-de-sac, our friends waiting back at the house while we flirted, insignificantly.

#230 - J.S.

Tall, lanky, with a long face and sad eyes. We were raised like siblings, almost, but I couldn't pinpoint a facet of your personality. I like to imagine that, with the right person, you're witty and sensational, but I suppose I know that's only a dream.

#229 - W.F.

Your life is a cacophony of errors and pain. Every step is a misstep, every dream turns into a nightmare. No family, no religion, no real friends, nothing to guide you... yet you muddle through. Perhaps the future holds something incredible... for your sake, I hope so.

#228 - B.P.

Your body is gnarled and you have the mental age of a toddler, but you smile when you see me, smile and shout out your version of my name, and for just a few seconds, everything else goes away, and your joy becomes mine.

#227 - J.W.

I inadvertently broke your heart in a cruel way, and I'm sorry. You were the first guy I slept with after The Big Breakup in college, and I was just trying to get him out of my system. You didn't get that.

#226 - J.B.

You carry a concealed weapon, ready for anything in the dangers of rural Ohio. Sometimes, you record yourself singing and post it on youtube, looking for that perfect woman. You are a true knight in shining armor... in waiting.

#225 - T.D.

When we met, you spent an hour arguing with me that Atheism need not be proven nor proselytized. While I understood your point, I was annoyed with how simplistic you made your argument. I'm a woman, not a child.

#224 - J.S.

You had this disease from an ex who cheated on you - nothing horrific, but it manifested in a gross way in your body. Because of that, we couldn't have sex, and without sex, well... things got old fast. Sorry 'bout that, cauliflower dick.

#223 - E.T.

You can always be counted on to say something flippant or irreverent. You have talent, intelligence, humor, and that extra je ne sais quoi, but there's also something painful inside, something that makes you hide from the world. I wish I could pull you out.

#222 - A.G.

Born in the Bronx, you made your way to Ohio, sharing wicked stories from your youth. Now you're sallow, pale, boring. Your writing makes me wince at its awkwardness and showiness. Letting you slip away was like taking my bra off - relief after constriction.

#221 - S.G.

You'd sit and chant mantras in a sing-song, and I would feign interest. After a while, though, it was kind of calming. Even today, you'll answer any question about Buddhism that I can fathom. You radiate peace... and creepiness. Sweet.

#220 - C.C.

You were a tall, skinny man who stayed quiet for the most part. Sometimes, you would explain something scientific to us, and I would see your intelligence, but then you just kind of faded away into your books.

#219 - S.S.

A former OSU football player, you can barely write a complete sentence in our online class. You latched onto me from the first day and you constantly bombard me with requests for help with research, essays, and your divorce. GO AWAY.

#218 - D.O.

Animated and well-groomed, you're jovial and a quick wit. My mother thinks you are the Best Person Ever and she makes sure that she's friends with your wife and family. Why am I the only one that can see that you're gay?

#217 - A.C.

Bold. Brash. Rude. Opinionated. You always hated someone, and I would stand and stare as you gossiped animatedly to my mother. Fascination turned to annoyance quickly, and I was glad you didn't come to my wedding.

#216 - D.K.

While assisting the surgeon during that first eye surgery, you grinned down at the girl with no hair and numerous scars, teasing her, trying to coax her into becoming an eye doctor someday. Somehow, you made the horror bearable, and you'll never be forgotten.